Monday, April 30, 2002
11:00am: Wake up at Millenium Hilton, Suite 1310.
11:10am: Jerk off on top of stack of newspapers to a Calvin Klein model.
11:18am: Check e-mail to see if Alyssa Milano sent any nudes.
11:26am: Frosted Flakes.
11:38am: Brush teeth. Get dressed. Wearing faded denims, Ralph Lauren polo, aviators [secrecy].
11:44am: Say hi to Mike Colangelo in hallway. Post "I can't hit for shit" sign on his back.
12:01am: Take a deep breath of streets of New York.
12:17am: Take R train to Sheepshead Bay, Brooklyn for seal watching.
12:51am: Arrive at Sheepshead Bay, play guitar, feed seals.
1:04pm: Give an old lady money.
1:16pm: Eat a hot dog.
1:18pm: Text Alyssa Milano picture of cock.
1:46pm: Meet Columbia girl on dock, get head inside public restroom.
1:51pm: Bust nut.
2:09pm: Take train back to midtown.
2:51pm: Go to Chanel store on Fifth Avenue, buy a woman's necklace.
3:41pm: Visit ICM and tell models I'm Barry Zito. Tell them to come to room post-game.
4:09pm: Take D train to Yankee Stadium.
5:01pm: Arrive at Yankee Stadium, get ass chewed out by Maty McNeil for being late
5:31pm: Arrive on field. Stretches, long toss.
5:49pm: Hot bitch asks for autograph. I sign a ball with my number on it.
7:05pm: Hudson takes the hill, looking shitty.
7:41pm: Hecklers rip me for haircut I had as kid.
8:09pm: The chick whose number I gave on the ball texts me during 3rd inning. Send pic of cock
10:04pm: Game ends. Music in lockeroom sucks.
11:56pm: Arrive at Millenium Hilton. Bitch who I gave the ball to comes over.
11:57pm: Says she's on period, can't fuck. Blows me, sleeps overnight.
12:02am: Take Xanax because I'm nervous about start tomorrow.
Tuesday, May 1, 2002
11:00am: Slept good, but kick the chic out early.
11:30am: Pitching coach Peterson comes over. We go over gameplan, watch video.
11:31am: I hate Derek Jeter. Fuckin' halfbreed.
12:02pm: Take shower, shave for the cameras.
12:12pm: Flex in mirror for 20 minutes.
12:14pm: Pubes look a bit long, but good enough to bang.
12:16pm: Flip through a book about slaves that I bought in Seattle. I pretend 1 is Jeter.
12:19pm: Play guitar naked.
12:21pm: Colangelo knocking on door, wants to hang. Fuck 'em.
12:42pm: Hit streets of NY with Huddy. His wife keeps calling. He's pussy whipped.
12:54pm: A bum asks for change, I give him $100. He tries to give hug.
1:09pm: A kid recognizes me, I sign.
1:14pm: We hit up Museum of Modern Art. Trippy but boring.
1:39pm: Buy 6 ectasy tabs from nigger drug dealer. Pills are inscribed with Pikachu.
2:19pm: Hit up ICM and make sure models will come this time.
3:01pm: Game-face on. Take cab to Yankee Stadium, tip cabbie $100. Tries to give kiss.
4:06pm: More video prep with Peterson. I drink a Gatorade and watch Judge Judy on TV.
4:17pm: Pre-game meal: sirloin and mashed potatoes. Colangelo is called a pussy by teammates.
5:06pm: Light bullpen. Heckled nonstop by Latino dude with chain. I call him a spic.
5:07pm: Hernandez hears me say this.
5:15pm: Pissed off mood. I spit sunflower seeds at clubby and demand PB&J.
5:38pm: Maty McNeil is too intense. Says we must win.
7:08pm: Bean Jeter in 1st inning to ruin perfect game. Fucking nigger
7:19pm: David Justice calls me "dog."
10:01pm: Win game, give interview to New York media.
10:19pm: Shower, check phone. ICM models saying I look cute on TV, wanna hang.
10:49pm: Take cab to club Bedlam in midtown. I take 2 ex tabs.
11:19pm: Club is dope. I drink nonstop Stoli's. A freaky model wants me to cut her with razor.
11:38pm: Ex-tabs kick the fuck in. Fuckin flowwwwwwwin.
2:00am: Still wasted, trippy. Pop another tab, give 1 to model.
3:09am: Back at Hilton with 2 exed out models. We fuck, they scream.
3:19am: One of them sticks a moistened finger up my asshole.
3:21am: I whip cream one of the sluts and make the other lick her clean.
3:24am: I fiercly whip the face of one slut with cock.
3:29am: Trying to bust nut on their faces, can't cum.
3:53am: I tell them to keep repeating "Jeter is a nigger." After repeating it 200x I blow mass load.
4:09am: I give one of them the necklace I bought at Chanel.
5:10am: We watch infomercials on abs and Jay Leno repeats.
Wednesday, May 2, 2002
12:30pm: Wake up, game in 30 min. I call McNeil and say I'm sick then hang up on him.
12:39pm: The ICM models finally arrive. Suddenly 10 bitches at crib.
12:59pm: I order up 12 bottles of Patron from room service.
1:12pm: Patron arrives, total is $689. Platinum AmEx.
1:19pm: Get drunk as fuck with all models. But don't feel like fuckin'.
1:29pm: We all walk aimlessly around the city. We goto Bloomingdale's.
1:38pm: I order $6,800 worth of shit from Bloomingdales, including rare Hermes chair.
1:41pm: I buy a $16,000 Faberge Imperial Egg.
1:46pm: I buy custom stationery so I can write shit to hecklers on it and give it to them.
1:49pm: I buy mahogany executive desk complete with encyclopedia.
1:59pm: I have all the shit delivered to apartment in Oakland on Express Air.
2:09pm: I buy the models shit at whatever store they want. I buy them all shoes at Manolo Blahnik.
2:59pm: We see a broadway show but its boring, fuck it.
4:59pm: I buy a complete video recording system from some nigger at bodegga.
5:19pm: We all fuck for 2 hours and I film the whole thing.
5:29pm: I slam a girl's head hard against the bedframe when I come, she concusses
5:41pm: I kick them all out threatening security.
6:06pm: I visit Central Park Zoo, say hi to seals.
6:49pm: I watch SportsCenter. I guess we won or whatev.
10:08pm: I take 10 Xanax and wakeup in Oakland.
10:10pm: Someone has trimmed my pubes when I was passed out. I suspect Colangelo.
10:16pm: I throw up on sidewalk
10:19pm: My life rules.
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